Ahhh!!! Germs Everywhere!!

***If this is your first time visiting the blog, you may want to start with the first entry in the March 2013 Blog Archive called "The Beginning...the News" to be up to speed.***

Payton, I have NEVER been so scared of germs in my WHOLE LIFE!  I now sympathize more with those poor germophobes who are so worried about germs or getting sick that they don't even leave their house. Every door knob or light switch I grab is now the newest potential threat to your health.  My hands are cracked from being washed so many times in the past week. Not to mention I have overnight turned into the Germ Nazi around our household, constantly barking out orders to go "wash your hands before you touch anything!" 

So why this sudden mindshift to worrying about germs when I am typically the mom who drops the sandwich on the floor, wipes it off, and hands it back to my kid?  Because Payton, surgery is now getting very close....about a week away actually, on May 23.  You just got over a cold and ear infection at the end of last month.  If you have so much as a runny nose or tiny cough during the two weeks leading up to surgery, it will most likely be canceled and rescheduled for a later date. I understand the reasoning and would want the doctors to error on the side of caution, but I don't think I could handle waiting and worrying ANY longer without having a mental meltdown.  Not to mention, it would be a struggle to reschedule and re-work all the other logistics like hotel reservations, boarding dogs, and coordinating care for Pierce while we are staying at the hospital with you.  I'm not even going to go there....no need because Payton, you WILL stay healthy.

It doesn't help my newfound germophobia that your brother Pierce has had a nasty cold all week.  I'm so fearful of you getting sick too that I'm practically chasing after him with disinfectant wipes and bathing him in clorox bleach.  Ok, not the clorox part, but is has crossed my mind. :) All kidding aside though, it really is stressful.  Poor kid is sick and all I want to do is cuddle him and comfort him, yet I have to be careful that I don't transfer HIS germs to you.  If there is ever a time to be extra cautious, it is definitely now.  But I really do hope he understands, or will not hold it against me someday....



Pierce is 5! May 6, 2013

Not feeling well two days
after his birthday celebration, poor guy! 

Staying busy has been helpful in the weeks leading up to surgery, especially the great distractions like Pierce's fun 5th birthday party, soccer games, family outings, good friends in town overnight, and playdates with friends.  However, I'm afraid that "cabin fever" is going to set in because now we are having to cut back on most "outings."  We have pulled your brother out of preschool until surgery is over because there are so many kiddos sick with colds and even stomach bugs.  A kid with THAT much energy needs some outlets, so I think we will be playing a lot in the backyard, taking bike rides, and doing whatever we can to pass the time and have fun at home together.  But, boy, it can be exhausting when you feel like you can't go anywhere!

Payton, you are going to have to help me keep him entertained ok?  Right now, he gets a BIG kick out of making you smile and coo and laugh at him (I laugh at him a lot too!)  But he is amazed that as a 4 month old now, you smile back in excitement when he talks to you.  It still surprises him that he can get such a reaction out of you since he's used to seeing you mostly lay around, sleep, or give him a "newborn" stare like you did during your first few months of life.  It makes Pierce so proud and so happy that you now smile back.  And I can't tell you how much my heart melts just watching this.  I never knew how much I could love two children, and how much I could LOVE that you two will have each other forever.  I realize you two will tease and fight with each other like all siblings do.  But I also know he's going to be your friend, teach you many things, stare down every potential boyfriend you ever have and be a protective big brother who looks out for you always.  Even now he is somewhat possesive in a happy and cute kind of way.  He even introduces you to his friends by saying, "This is my baby!"  I'm pretty sure you are MY baby, but I don't correct him....you are ALL of ours. :)

Here are a few quick updates about your health Payton.  Physical therapy for your neck (torticollis) is going very well.  We work a lot with you at home and the physical therapist really noticed a difference this past week, so thankfully it is paying off.  You still favor turning your head right but you don't cry or fight it as much when you have to look left.  You still like to tilt your head, especially when tired, but it is getting better, which is what we want to see, progress!  So we'll just keep doing what we're doing.  Also, the eye doctor appointment went well.  So far, no eyesight issues caused from your craniosynostosis condition but he wants to keep close tabs on you during your first year of life so we don't miss "the window" of opportunity to correct it if you begin to develop problems.   But like I said, so far so good!!!

You are starting to roll to your side now, not yet all the way from your back to your tummy, but twice you've found a way to roll tummy to back and we jumped up and down with excitement!  (Funny the things you get excited about when you are a parent...someday you will understand this!) Now I'm starting to find you in all kinds of funny positions in your crib after sleeping...not on your tummy but head and feet all over the place...you are scooting around everywhere.  Speaking of sleep, you are a champ at this now.  Still not sleeping through the night (I get up twice a night to feed you), but you nap great and sleep in your own crib without any fuss.  This makes us SO happy after three months of holding you nonstop while you slept....we still love to hold you, but now we are all sleeping better at night.  Last but not least, after your 4 month check-up on Tuesday, May 14th, you have some new "stats":

Length- 26.8 inches -Ninety-ninth percentile for your age!  Big surprise...you are going to be tall, just like your dad, mom, and brother :)
Weight- 15 pounds exactly -Between the fiftieth and seventy-fifth percentile.

You are a happy growing girl!!! 

Payton, 4 months old, May 12th, 2013

So now, before I close the computer for the day, I'm going to get a little more serious and honest.
Let's face it....craniosynostosis SUCKS. There. I said it out loud.  Friends ask "How are you doing?" I usually say good, or ok.  And most of the time I do mean it.  But truthfully, it also depends on the day.  It's just that I can't ALLOW myself to think about what's ahead every minute of the day or it is too hard on me.  So when I don't think about it, or when I concentrate on things like what I've written above, I AM doing ok.  But with the surgery getting so close, the nerves are starting to creep in more often and they leave me with a very unsettled, restless feeling that is hard to keep buried unless I stay busy.  I swear I am actually very positive about everything most days, but I can't help it that at times, I'm so frustrated and scared about what our family is about to go through. As we are nearing the one week away "mark," my stomach is constantly in knots. And it is getting harder to just ignore it or "set it aside."  We are all a little edgy and fragile.  Sometimes very strong, sometimes ready to cry at the drop of a hat.  Payton, you had an ear infection a few weeks ago and after holding you and trying to comfort you for just the three hours of inconsolable crying you had from pain, I was pretty shaken.  Thankfully it was only a few hours before you felt better again and the tylenol and antibiotics started to kick in.  But it shook me because if an ear infection was hard, how am I going to deal with your discomfort pre and post-surgery after they've drawn blood, done CT scans, put you under, put in and taken out breathing tubes, opened up and reconstructed your skull, put it back together with plates, given you a blood transfusion, and kept an IV in you and a drain in your head over the next few days as you fight discomfort, swelling and soreness? How am I going to do this when it killed me and broke my heart for you when you were hurting because of a little ear infection?!

I'm not sure how I'm going to handle it all, so all I can do right now is pray.  Pray for strength, courage, confidence, and peace through this next few weeks. And I can lean on my wonderful husband who is also scared but so strong.  And he and I can lean on our family and friends who are giving us strength through their thoughts and prayers too.  WE CAN DO THIS.